You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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