it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
