Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
