This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
