He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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