thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
