I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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