How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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