my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
