I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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