so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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