I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
