Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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