i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
