I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
