508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
you would pick up someone in the library
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
