At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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