i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
