I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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