Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
