The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
