Christians are straight up FREAKS
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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