he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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