You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
