Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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