a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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