its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
