she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
