fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
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