i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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