ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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