Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
