I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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