things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
