Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Randomize
