I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
The adults are the big ones right?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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