Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
