i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
