There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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