You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Randomize
