I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
