You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
