Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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