Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
