Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
