and you said cock pushups were impossible
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
