On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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