Already got asked if we're dating
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Randomize
