im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
