I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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